Better Off Ed/Transcript
Act 1 episode starts off with scenes of "Cookie Dough", "Bus the Two of Us" and "The Sweet Stench of Success" being shown. *'EDUARDO': There was this time when I was playing with my game. narrates scenes of "Eddie Monster" being shown. *'SCRAPPY': What a cartoon that Baby Bloo is. Hey Eduardo! You have to 'em about your BIG plan. *'SCRAPPY': I bet that Baby Bloo will be all (imitates sobbing) "I've just wanted to help." (imitates sobbing again and laughs) *'FRANKIE': Okay, okay, settle down, you guys. It's bedtime. *'SCRAPPY': Aw nuts! Do we have to? *'FRANKIE': I'm afraid so. *'SCRAPPY': Do you remember when Eduardo collected all the coco cards or he let the scribbles out? *'FRANKIE': Eduardo, don't you mean-- *(Eduardo's faced shows through his protagonist self horrified.) *'FRANKIE': Sleep tight, everyone. *'EDUARDO': Hasta la vista, babies. *'SCRAPPY': You're the coolest, Eduardo. *'EDUARDO': Gracias, Frankie, Gracias. Thank you for not outing me to the little niños. I'm so scared that they were gonna find out that I'm the baby instead of Bloo. *'FRANKIE': There there. It's alright, Eduardo. But you really should have more conference than yourself. You don't need to steal Bloo's thunder to get the kids to like you. Besides you're not always a baby. You've done plenty of stuff like Bloo. Like the time when you were playing with your game. *'SCRAPPY': Hey! Quiet out there, Bloo. (nursery friends laughing sound effect) *(Eduardo screams and runs) *'WILT': Uh-uh. No way. *'COCO': Coco. *'BLOO': But come on its gonna be bananas tomorrow Frankie and Herriman will be at the home improvent ceremony to leaving us to unleash Bloo's 1st annual foster's indoor paintball battle royale!! *'WILT': What about Madame Foster? *'BLOO': What is this? Amateur hour? Turkey common. (slightly sighs) I make her 45 turkey sandwiches, you eat some and (making snoring sound)... *'COCO': I don't think Mac will like it. *'BLOO': Mac already said so. So as long as we get the game finished when Mr. Poops-on-everything shows up, we'll be as good as gold. So what do you say? Are you in the game? *'WILT AND COCO': NO. *'WILT': Sorry, Bloo. This is like the worst idea you ever have. *'BLOO': Everyone keeps saying that. No one wants to play paintball in the house because they are scared that they're gonna get in trouble. But I, Captain Genius, have a plan to dose everyone's fears. If I can get the baby in the whole house to play, then everyone else will join in. Eduardo What do you say, Ed? starts crying *'Bloo': Oooooh, crud. *'NURSERY FRIENDS': Baby Bloo, sitting in his crib, dripping mashed potatoes all down his bib. Act 2 *'EDUARDO': I am sorry, Mr. Khones. I thought you were-- *'BLOO': Get outta here! *'FRANKIE': Bloo, you won't do anything dumb while we're gone. *'BLOO': Oh, you sillies! *'MR. HERRIMAN': We let me to remind you that the Madame is in charge while we are leaved. *'BLOO': Got it covered! *to Eduardo using bread, ham, lettuce, pickles, mayo, whipped cream, pork rinds and cheese to make Jackie Khones a sandwich. *'EDUARDO': There you go. See you. *'Jackie Khones': Whoa, hold up. *'EDUARDO': Si? *'Jackie Khones': (shows Eduardo incorrect sandwich) Try it again. *'WILT': Attention, new friend Scrappy. This is Wilt. Please meet me in the foyer for the house tour. *'EDUARDO': (getting scared of Wilt) Scrappy, stay away from Wilt! (screams) Scrappy left in the laundry room way down stairs. (Jackie Khones drags off Eduardo) *'BLOO': Fresh fish? Hey, have you guys seen that new kid called Scrappy? *(Eduardo cries out as Jackie Khones knocks his sandwich down) *'EDUARDO': SCRAPPY!!!!!!! *'BLOO': Oh, fresh fish. Here, fishy, fishy, fishy. *'EDUARDO': AAH! (Finds smelly socks) Ew. *'BLOO': Ed? Did I just leave you in the-- (Scrappy laughs) What? What is so funny? What are you laughing at? Listen. If you don't shut up then I'm not let you come up with this awesome paintball tournament. *'SCRAPPY': Your idea?! You mean Eddie's idea? *'BLOO': gritted teeth Eddie's idea! I just thought it was MY idea! *'SCRAPPY': What's the matter? Cant'cha talk? Are you a baby? *'BLOO': No. *'SCRAPPY:' My name is Bloo, and I wear a big, stinky diaper! sucks her thumb. *'BLOO': Whassa matter with you? *'SCRAPPY:' Goo goo goo! *'BLOO': to sweat profusely THIS IS NOT EDUARDO'S PAINTBALL GAME! *'SCRAPPY': Aw, is Baby Bloo gonna cry? teeth grind and his face turns red. Does Baby Bloo want his bottle? *'BLOO': (losing it) THIS IS MY PAINTBALL GAME! *'SCRAPPY': right *'BLOO': AND I AM NOT A BABY! *'SCRAPPY': uh-huh *'BLOO': EDUARDO IS! *'SCRAPPY': Eddie's the baby? That is rich. Eduardo's the cool one. All the babies in the nursery know that. *'BLOO': (shoots paintball at Scrappy) Take me to the babies. (Scrappy goes and Bloo follows Scrappy.) *(Eduardo gets angry) Act 3 WILT: Oh, my head, Eduardo, why are you in the laundry chute? EDUARDO: Wilt, get me out WILT: OK. (Wilt pulls Eduardo out of the laundry chute) What knocked me out? Where's Scrappy? Why is there paint on the ceiling? What is going-- JACKIE KHONES: That is going to cause you extra mayo. BLOO: Nuh-uh. Shut it. You're the babies, not me. Come on. Be quiet. Stop it. Cut it out. Silence. I'm NOT a baby. I am the coolest kid in this joint. Eduardo's a baby. Could a baby play in my awesome paintball game? I think not. SCRAPPY: For the last time, that's Eduardo's paintball game! BLOO: Is not! SCRAPPY: Is too! BLOO: Is not! SCRAPPY: Is too! BLOO: Is not. Right, Eddie? (gives the paintball marker to Eduardo) Tell them, Eddie. Tell them who really came up with the paintball game. EDUARDO: It was ME! BLOO: Where are all your players? Huh? Huh?! HUH?! EDUARDO: Well, I decide to call off the game because I can find anyone who is brave and cool as me to play. BLOO: (same sound effect like Bubbles smiling uneasily up at her sisters from Stray Bullet) What about me? SCRAPPY: Eddie will mop up the floor with you. (Bloo becomes such a baby) What do you say, Eddie. All of us against him. EDUARDO: I no scared. We thank you one. And we are going to win and you are going to lose, you big... big... BLOSER. BLOO: Oh, it's on. Finally EDUARDO: I AM A BIG FAT LAIR! I HAVE STOLEN BLOO'S THUNDER! HE IS COOL AS CUCUMBER! I'M THE BABY! I'M THE BABY! BLOO: That's right. Who's the coolest of the cool? EDUARDO: Bloo. BLOO: Who's the winner of the paintball battle royale? EDUARDO: Bloo. BLOO: And who's idea was it to play paintball in the house in the first place? EDUARDO: Bloo's idea. BLOO: My idea, my idea, this was all my idea. FRANKIE: Oh, really BLOO: I meant Ed. Ed did it! His fault! FRANKIE: Uh-huh? Mac, get him out of my sight. MAC: My pleasure. I told you it was a stupid idea. BLOO: Shut up EDUARDO: Ninos, I sorry I lied. Bloo is not the baby. I am the baby. I am not cool, I am not brave, I am not a hero. NURSERY FRIEND #1: What do you mean? You saw Scrappy. SCRAPPY: Yeah. He also nailed me right to kiss her. FRANKIE: OK, guys. Let's get you back to the nursery and clean you up. NURSERY FRIEND #1: Eduardo is the best friend ever. Maybe Bloo isn't a baby but he sure is a doo-doo head. EDUARDO: Scrappy, I sorry I made up those stories about me. SCRAPPY: Ah, jeepers, Eddie. I knew it all along. I met this guy earlier: Jackie. And he set me straight on the whole enchilada. I have to pay him off to keep him from screaming from you. BLOO: Are you telling me you got each of 'em to make you a sandwich? JACKIE KHONES: Yep, good one. BLOO: You are the coolest. Post-Credits Scene MADAME FOSTER: Great. I slept through the whole thing. I wanted to play. (picks up her paintball marker) Category:Episode transcripts